The Unwritten Rules
What they don't teach you in federal leadership training
The practical wisdom that separates managers who thrive from those who just survive
Every federal manager learns the hard way: There are unwritten rules that determine whether you succeed or fail, build relationships or burn bridges, get things done or get stuck in bureaucratic hell.
Nobody teaches you these rules in leadership training. You either figure them out through painful experience, or you watch other managers who seem to effortlessly navigate the system while you struggle.
This is your management survival guide - the practical wisdom that separates managers who thrive from those who just survive.
Essential skills for managing federal communications without destroying relationships or your career.
THE LIGHTNING BOLT RULE
WAIT 24 HOURS Before You Send That Angry Email
As a manager, you'll get emails that make your blood boil. Someone questioned your team's competence, threw you under the bus in front of your boss, or made a decision that puts your people at risk. You know exactly what you want to say back to them.
DON'T SEND IT.
Write it. Get it all out. Save it as a draft. Then walk away for 24 hours.
As a manager, your angry emails become official records and can destroy working relationships you need to get things done. That 24-hour delay will help you craft something that actually accomplishes your management goals instead of just making you feel better.
The Golden Rule of Federal Management Communication
"Phone calls fix problems. Emails document solutions."
When you need to solve something as a manager, pick up the phone. When you need to remember it later, put it in writing.
Most federal management problems come from getting this backwards - trying to solve complex personnel or operational issues through email chains that should have been 5-minute phone conversations between managers.
✅ DO: Make Phone Calls First
As a manager, the higher up you go, the more a phone call can accomplish. Call that division chief directly. Call the other manager who's causing problems. Most management issues can be solved with a 5-minute conversation that would take weeks of emails.
Use phone calls for problem-solving. Use emails for documenting what you've already worked out as managers.
❌ DON'T: CC People's Bosses Unless It's Your Last Resort
As a manager, nothing's worse than catching heat from your boss over something you are seeing for the first time.
You burn bridges fast with other managers when you escalate before trying to work things out directly. Save the CC for when direct manager-to-manager communication has failed completely.
The Toxic Boss Exception: Always Document Phone Directives
When dealing with a toxic supervisor who only communicates by phone - especially one who pushes policy or legal limits - YOU as a manager always document that via email.
Some supervisors deliberately avoid putting questionable directives in writing because they know it creates liability. They'll give you verbal orders that push boundaries, then deny they ever said it if things go wrong - leaving you holding the bag as the manager who "made the decision."
Your protection as a manager: Always follow up verbal directives with an email.
"Per our phone conversation today, I understand you're directing me to [specific action]. I will proceed as discussed unless I receive different guidance by [date/time]."
Why this works for managers:
- Creates a contemporaneous record of what was actually said
- Forces them to correct you in writing if you misunderstood
- Protects you when they try to throw you under the bus later
- Shows you were following lawful orders as given
- Protects your team when you have to implement questionable directives
When they order you to stop: You may be ordered to stop sending these follow-up emails. This is likely illegal under 5 U.S.C. § 2302(b)(9), which prohibits retaliation against federal employees for "cooperating with or disclosures to... any component responsible for internal investigation or review" and refusing "to obey an order that would require violation of law, rule, or regulation." What you're essentially doing is documenting for your hostile work environment or whistleblower case.
If ordered to stop documenting:
- Get that order in writing if possible - it's evidence of retaliation
- Understand this creates a prima facie case of prohibited personnel practice under 5 U.S.C. § 2302(b)(9)
- Keep personal records at home of conversations and directives
- Consider filing a complaint with the Office of Special Counsel
- Document the retaliation for ordering you to stop creating records
Legal reality for managers: Under federal law, supervisors cannot prevent managers from documenting work-related communications, especially when those communications may involve violations of law, regulation, or policy. A supervisor who orders you to stop documenting their directives is likely committing a prohibited personnel practice themselves.
Cautionary Tale: Don't BE That Toxic Manager
YOU don't be that manager that puts people in that gray area of skirting the law with orders that you wouldn't put in writing.
Sure, you will absolutely call your folks and chat with them and may never put something in writing. Normal management conversations happen by phone all the time. BUT... don't put them in situations where you are deliberately skirting policy or law for something that should be documented.
The difference:
- Normal phone management: "Hey, can you prioritize the Johnson project this week?" or "Let's discuss your team's workload."
- Toxic phone management: "Just ignore that safety requirement" or "Don't document this conversation" or "Bend the procurement rules just this once."
Why this destroys you as a manager: When things go wrong, your people will document YOUR questionable directives to protect themselves - exactly like the section above teaches them to do. You become the toxic boss that other managers warn their people about.
The test: If you're uncomfortable putting a directive in writing, ask yourself why. If it's because it violates policy, law, or regulation, then you shouldn't be giving that direction at all.
Remember: Your people will protect themselves when you put them in impossible positions. Don't be the manager whose verbal directions end up documented in someone else's email trail as evidence of prohibited personnel practices.
Politics isn't a dirty word in federal service - it's how things actually get done. You need to understand the game without losing your integrity.
The Federal Political Ecosystem
Congressional Dynamics
Committee staff have more day-to-day influence than the members. Appropriations committees control your budget. Oversight committees can make your life miserable.
Key lesson: Never surprise Congress. Bad news delivered early is manageable. Bad news discovered later is a scandal.
Political Appointee Cycles
Appointees come and go every 2-4 years. Each one has different priorities and different relationships with Congress and the White House.
Key lesson: Build relationships with career staff who provide continuity. They'll brief the new appointees on what really matters.
Interagency Politics
Every agency has its own culture, priorities, and Congressional relationships. What makes sense for your agency might threaten another agency's equities.
Key lesson: Understand other agencies' interests before proposing changes that affect them. Make them partners, not adversaries.
Media and Public Perception
Everything you do can become a news story. Every policy decision can be spun as either brilliant leadership or bureaucratic overreach.
Key lesson: Think like a journalist. How would this decision look on the front page of the Washington Post?
The Rules Nobody Writes Down
Never make your boss's boss look stupid. If your boss made a bad decision, find a way to implement it that minimizes damage rather than proving them wrong.
Always have a solution when you present a problem. Don't just bring bad news - bring options for dealing with it.
Timing matters more than content. The right message delivered at the wrong time gets ignored or creates backlash.
Credit flows up, blame flows down. Take responsibility for failures in your organization, even when they're not directly your fault.
Relationships trump org charts. The person with the most influence isn't always the person with the highest title.
Everything is negotiable except your integrity. You can compromise on methods, timing, and priorities. You can't compromise on honesty and ethical behavior.
How to protect yourself from false allegations, office gossip, and situations that can end your career.
Never Have to Defend Your Honor
As a manager, never allow yourself to be put in a situation where you have to defend your honor.
The management rule: Leave the door open when talking to employees unless absolutely necessary. If the door needs to be shut, have your second-in-command in there with you.
Protect yourself proactively as a manager. Don't rely on your good intentions, clean record, or stellar reputation to shield you from false allegations. Take simple precautions that eliminate the opportunity for misunderstandings or malicious claims that can destroy your management career.
The Knitting Circle Reality
Realize that nothing you say in private, at the bar, at dinner, is not confidential, and will get out there. If you've been in the fed world for more than a day, you know there are folks out there that love nothing more than the words a little above a whisper: "Hey, did you hear about...?"
We used to call it the knitting circle. Every agency has one or ten of them. Know that they're there.
Remember: That casual comment at happy hour, that "off the record" conversation in the parking lot, that frustrated vent session after a tough meeting - someone is listening, and someone will repeat it. Assume everything you say will eventually make its way back to the wrong person at the wrong time.
The One Beer Rule for Managers
If you do go out on that training with the folks: Have dinner, have that one beer, and leave.
You want plausible deniability and not to be part of the problem. You don't want to hear: "Oh look, the boss was right there drinking with us!" when something goes sideways.
Trust me, you do NOT want to be on the receiving end of those phone calls from an angry spouse or significant other: "Where is my person? Was my person out with you all night, boss?"
Why this matters:
- You become responsible for everyone's behavior when you stay
- Your presence enables bad decisions by your team
- You can't discipline what you participated in
- Angry spouses blame the boss who "let" their partner stay out
- Your reputation gets tied to every stupid thing that happens after you should have left
The smart play: Show you're human and social, then exit gracefully before things get messy. Your team needs to make their own adult decisions without the boss watching - and you need to maintain your authority to address any consequences later.
Remember: The stories they tell Monday morning should never include you as a character beyond "The boss had dinner with us, then headed back to the hotel."
The three career killers, using the system when it matters, and protecting yourself from false allegations.
A Personal Story: Why the System Exists
For several years, I and several of my peers were subjected to a hostile work environment. We came from the old school mentality where you didn't complain or "report" anyone at work - it was seen as a sign of weakness. So we all silently endured a really horrible situation for years.
We would discuss the lost sleep and the dread we'd all feel in the pit of our stomachs Sunday night, knowing we'd be going into work the next morning. We suffered through it because we had this unrealistic sense of honor, maybe? Or pride?
Eventually, it got to the point where the straw broke the camel's back. I finally gave in and filed with the Office of Inspector General on several things I knew were policy and law violations.
What I didn't realize was how fast things would change. All of a sudden, the abuse stopped. Investigations were ongoing, but we weren't being tormented daily. IT WORKED! I was so shocked - I thought, why in the world did I wait this long?
It had gotten to the point where I had 9 applications in for other agencies, including downgrades, just to get away from this toxic situation. And it all ended... relatively overnight.
Listen, I'm not saying go file complaints at the drop of a hat for everything. What I am saying is those mechanisms really are there for a reason. I was an idiot for using some false sense of pride - "I can take it, I can endure anything" - for SO long when I could have used the safety nets in place to fix it.
The lesson: Don't let misplaced pride or "old school" mentality keep you from using the legitimate protections available to federal employees. The system works when you use it properly.
THE THREE CAREER KILLERS
After decades in federal management, I've seen three things that consistently destroy management careers:
1. Credit Cards (Money Issues)
2. Alcohol/Drug Overindulgence
3. Intimate Relationships
These affect managers and employees alike. As a manager, you have to maintain your integrity and handle your business on all three things. You also have to ensure your people are handling these three things.
You're not the bedroom or party police, but these things easily work their way into the workplace and destroy individual careers and entire teams - and you as the manager get blamed for not seeing it coming.
❌ Money Problems Kill Careers
Why it destroys careers: Financial problems make you vulnerable to bribes, create desperate decisions, and raise security clearance issues.
What gets people fired:
- Using government credit cards for personal expenses
- Expense account fraud
- Taking kickbacks from contractors
- Borrowing money from subordinates
- Security clearance revocation due to debt
As a manager: Watch for signs of financial desperation in your team. Someone suddenly working every overtime opportunity, borrowing money from colleagues, or expressing panic about bills may be vulnerable to poor decisions.
❌ Substance Issues Kill Careers
Why it destroys careers: Impaired judgment leads to other bad decisions, creates liability issues, and damages professional credibility.
The realistic rule: Know your limits and maintain professional boundaries. Federal events almost always involve alcohol - the key is drinking responsibly, not avoiding it entirely.
What gets people fired:
- DUI/DWI arrests (especially if security clearance required)
- Getting visibly drunk at government functions
- Coming to work impaired or hungover repeatedly
- Substance-fueled inappropriate behavior (harassment, fights, etc.)
- Addiction affecting performance, attendance, and reliability
- Using conference travel as party time instead of professional development
Government event reality check: Conference happy hours, retirement parties, and training events routinely include alcohol. You're not expected to abstain - you're expected to act professionally.
Professional drinking guidelines:
- Limit yourself to 1-2 drinks at work functions
- Eat before and during drinking
- Never be the drunkest person in the room
- If you don't drink, just say "I'm driving" or "I'm good with water"
- Use events to network professionally, not to party
- Remember: people are watching and taking notes
As a manager: Model appropriate behavior at all government events - your team watches everything you do. You're not the party police, but when substance issues affect work performance, attendance, or workplace safety, document everything and involve EAP services early. Remember that your behavior at conferences sets the standard for your entire team, and you'll be held accountable for what happens on your watch.
The Conference Test for Managers
Ask yourself: "Would I be embarrassed if this ended up in my performance review or a security clearance investigation?"
Your behavior at government events becomes part of your management reputation. People remember the manager who got sloppy drunk at the conference, hit on colleagues, or caused a scene. They also remember the one who was professional, engaging, and helped advance their team's mission.
The management standard: Drink like you're at a professional networking event, because you are. Act like your supervisor is watching, because they might be. Remember that everything you do reflects on your team and your ability to lead them.
❌ Relationships Kill Careers
Why it destroys careers: Creates conflicts of interest, harassment claims, favoritism allegations, and security vulnerabilities.
What gets people fired:
- Supervisor-subordinate relationships
- Affairs that create workplace drama
- Sexual harassment claims
- Favoritism toward romantic partners
- Compromising situations with foreign nationals
The litigation nightmare: All of a sudden we have work cell phone records and work emails getting subpoenaed for divorce or paternity suits. Your personal drama becomes a legal matter involving government resources and official records.
As a manager: You're not the bedroom police, but when relationships create workplace tension, favoritism, or harassment allegations, they become your management problem to solve. Address the work impact professionally, not the personal choices. Remember that you'll be the one facing HR and legal when these situations blow up.
Talk to your managers and senior staff! Do not let them wreck their careers in the midst of poor personal choices. Government phones, emails, and computers create permanent records that can be subpoenaed in legal proceedings - and you as their manager will get dragged into the mess.
✅ How to Protect Yourself and Your Team
Money: As a manager, live within your means and keep personal and government finances completely separate. Help team members access financial counseling through EAP when needed, and watch for signs of financial desperation that could lead to poor decisions.
Substance Issues: Know your limits and maintain professional standards at all work events. When employee performance suffers due to substance issues, document everything and refer to appropriate resources immediately.
Relationships: Avoid workplace romance, especially with subordinates. When relationships create workplace problems, focus on the professional impact and document everything. Remember that as a manager, you're responsible for maintaining a professional work environment.
Legal Reality for Managers: Government Communications Can Be Subpoenaed
This is not theoretical - it happens regularly, and you as a manager need to understand the risks. Under the Stored Communications Act and Electronic Communications Privacy Act, government emails, text messages, phone records, and other digital communications can be subpoenaed in legal proceedings including divorce, custody, and civil cases.
Federal employee protections are limited: While the Privacy Act of 1974 (5 U.S.C. § 552a) provides some protections for federal employee records, it has eleven stated exceptions that allow disclosure without employee consent.
What can be subpoenaed from your team:
- Government email accounts and official correspondence
- Cell phone records from government-issued devices
- Text message logs and call records
- Location data from government devices
- Employment records and personnel files
- Social media posts and communications
Management implications: That employee conducting an affair through government email, those inappropriate texts on work phones, or those personal calls during work hours can all become evidence in legal proceedings - and you as their manager may be called to testify about workplace policies and what you knew or should have known.
Protect your team and yourself: Make it clear that personal communications should stay on personal devices, enforce policies about appropriate use of government resources, and document any policy violations. Remember that as a manager, you're responsible for ensuring your team understands these risks.
The Combination Effect - When All Three Collide
The worst cases involve all three: Financial pressure leads to substance use, which leads to poor relationship decisions, which creates more financial and legal problems.
Examples I've seen:
- Supervisor drinks at conference, makes inappropriate advances, gets sued and fired
- Executive with money problems starts relationship with subordinate, shows favoritism, faces ethics charges
- IT specialist's gambling addiction leads to stealing government computers and equipment, selling them at pawn shops
The pattern: One bad decision creates vulnerability that leads to worse decisions. The spiral is hard to stop once it starts - for managers or employees.
Your Role as a Manager
You're not a therapist, counselor, or moral guardian. But you are responsible for maintaining a professional workplace and protecting your team.
When to act:
- Performance, attendance, or behavior problems affect the workplace
- Team dynamics suffer due to personal relationships or conflicts
- You suspect financial desperation might lead to ethical violations
- Substance issues create safety or security concerns
How to help: Document work-related impacts, refer to EAP services, involve HR when appropriate, and focus on professional standards rather than personal choices.
Remember: Early intervention can save careers. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away - it makes them worse.
Remember: These Are Guidelines, Not Laws
Every situation is different. These rules work most of the time, but good judgment means knowing when to break them.
The key is understanding why these rules exist, so you can adapt them to your specific circumstances while still achieving the underlying goal: building trust, solving problems, and getting things done effectively.
Master these unwritten rules, and you'll separate yourself from managers who struggle through federal leadership to those who actually thrive at it.
Master these unwritten rules
They'll make the difference between struggling through federal management and actually being effective at it.