Dancing With Multiple Partners

A Federal Leadership Guide

How to lead effectively when you're constantly switching dance partners

Federal leadership isn't about managing in one direction. You're constantly switching dance partners, and each one has different needs, expectations, and ways of moving.

Your boss needs different steps than your subordinates. Your peers dance to different music than your direct reports. And if you try to lead everyone the same way, you'll step on toes and create chaos.

This isn't about being fake or manipulative. It's about being skilled enough to serve each partner in the way they need to be served while staying true to your core rhythm.

Your Three Dance Partners

Master each relationship with specific strategies, real examples, and practical tools.

💚 Managing Down: Leading Your Team

Your Most Important Dance Partners

Your direct reports are where your leadership legacy is built. They're watching how you handle pressure, make decisions, and treat people. Get this relationship right, and everything else becomes easier.

But here's the challenge: they're all different people with different needs, motivations, and ways of learning. One size fits none.

The Four Types of Employees You'll Dance With

The High Performer

What they need: Autonomy, challenging work, and protection from bureaucratic BS.

Your dance steps: Get out of their way. Give them interesting problems to solve. Fight battles for them so they can focus on results.

Common mistake: Micromanaging them because you're nervous about letting go.

The Solid Contributor

What they need: Clear expectations, regular feedback, and opportunities to grow.

Your dance steps: Steady coaching, recognition for good work, and patience as they develop.

Common mistake: Ignoring them because they don't cause problems.

The Struggling Employee

What they need: Honest feedback, specific improvement plans, and time to turn things around.

Your dance steps: Direct but supportive conversations. Clear consequences. Consistent follow-up.

Common mistake: Avoiding difficult conversations and hoping they'll figure it out.

The Problem Employee

What they need: Firm boundaries, documented expectations, and accountability.

Your dance steps: Professional but firm. Follow HR processes. Protect the team from their toxicity.

Common mistake: Letting them poison the culture while you "work on it."

Real Example: The New Supervisor's Mistake

The situation: Sarah gets promoted to supervise a team of five investigators. She decides to treat everyone "fairly" by giving them all the same assignments, same deadlines, and same level of oversight.

What happened: Her high performer got bored and requested a transfer. Her struggling employee felt overwhelmed and made more mistakes. Her solid contributors felt like she didn't trust them.

The lesson: Fair doesn't mean identical. Fair means giving each person what they need to succeed.

Managing Down: The Daily Practice

Your Managing Down Toolkit

Weekly one-on-ones: Not status updates. Career conversations. "What do you need from me?"

Make it okay to ask for help: So many employees hide their inadequacies because they're afraid of getting hammered. Foster an environment of "Hey, no problem. Let's show you how that goes. It's really not so scary/hard once you know what you're doing."

Foster buy-in through ownership: Make them part of setting standards. You'll ultimately decide, but get their input first. Better yet, assign them one of your management responsibilities to own. Watch what happens: that task they used to drag their feet on suddenly becomes "their" thing. Now they're the ones telling peers "Hey, let's get our X reports in on time. I don't want to chase anyone down!" Remember: you can delegate the authority to get this completed, but not the responsibility for it. Make sure it's getting done to standard or you could get yourself jammed up by not paying attention to it. This strategy serves three purposes: creates genuine buy-in, develops your potential replacement, and builds trust throughout the team.

Delegation that develops: Don't just hand off tasks. Hand off opportunities to grow.

Shielding from BS: Filter out the noise from above. Let them focus on the work.

Recognition that matters: Public praise for public achievements. Private coaching for private struggles.

Don't be stingy with awards: Show everybody what you reward. Those small SPOT awards, STAR awards, and time-off awards should be budgeted in. A $200 on-the-spot award for excellent customer service or staying late to help a colleague creates more loyalty than you'd think. It's not about the money - it's about the timing and the message: "I saw what you did, it mattered, and I'm recognizing it right now." Use recognition strategically to reinforce the behaviors you want to see more of.

Tough love when needed: Address problems early and directly. Don't let issues fester.

Real Example: The Delegation Dance

Wrong way: "I need you to write this report. Follow the template exactly. I'll review every section."

Right way: "I'm giving you the quarterly analysis project. Here's the outcome we need and why it matters. What questions do you have about the approach? I'm here if you get stuck, but this is your show."

But don't abandon them: Don't just leave them to their own devices though, as they may really just not know even where to start and feel super overwhelmed, or take off way into left field and are so excited to show you their innovation, which unfortunately will not work so you have to crush their project. No, do a check-in fairly early in the process. Give them a little guide to work with to keep them in the lines, and have periodic "Hey, how's it going with project X?" meetings.

Why it works: You're developing capability while providing enough structure to ensure success. They get autonomy with safety nets.

🔴 Managing Up: Supporting Your Boss

Your Most Critical Relationship

Your boss controls your resources, your opportunities, and your reputation. This relationship can make or break your ability to serve your team and accomplish your mission.

But managing up isn't about kissing up. It's about making your boss successful so they can make you successful.

Understanding Your Boss's Dance Style

The Micromanager

What they need: Information, reassurance, and control.

Your dance steps: Over-communicate. Send regular updates. Ask for input on decisions.

Don't fight it: Give them the visibility they need to feel comfortable.

The Hands-Off Leader

What they need: Results without drama.

Your dance steps: Operate independently but keep them informed of major issues.

Don't assume: Silent doesn't mean happy. Check in regularly.

The Visionary

What they need: Someone to execute their big ideas.

Your dance steps: Listen for the vision, then build the plan to make it happen.

Your value: Translating their ideas into actionable steps.

The Detail-Oriented

What they need: Accuracy, thoroughness, and documentation.

Your dance steps: Double-check everything. Provide context and background.

Never surprise them: They hate being caught off-guard.

Real Example: The Status Update That Saves Your Career

Bad status update: "Project is on track. No issues."

Good status update: "Project is 75% complete, on schedule for Friday delivery. Resolved the data access issue with IT (took 2 days, but we're caught up). One risk: the final review meeting conflicts with the budget session, but I can handle the review if you need to attend budget."

Why it works: Shows progress, demonstrates problem-solving, and identifies risks early.

The Cardinal Rules of Managing Up

Never Do These Things to Your Boss

Never surprise them with bad news: If you know something's going wrong, tell them immediately.

Never make them look stupid: Especially in front of their peers or their boss.

Never go around them: If you have an issue, address it with them first.

Never throw them under the bus: Even if they deserve it. It always comes back to hurt you.

Never make them chase you for information: Anticipate what they need to know. In fact, be an over-sharer here. Every Friday I used to give my boss a "state of the union" call or email, even though it wasn't a requirement. That accomplishes three things:

Puts your boss in the know (and honestly takes away any excuses if something goes sideways later)
Gives them something to talk about what their section is doing for the Monday morning managers call
Shows you are busy so when the "Hey, we need someone to head this big project" comes up, they know you don't have all kinds of time to be thrown that too

Your boss will tell you when too much info is too much info. Until then, keep it coming.

The over-sharing approach works in federal environments because information flow is often poor, and managers who proactively communicate stand out in the best possible way. Here's the reality from someone who got fairly close to the top: up there when we keep hearing a guy or gal's name over and over, we're most likely not going to tap them or mess up their flow by dumping a new project on them. Why would we kill the golden goose? That lady is giving us all our stats. Conversely, when you don't hear about their peer doing anything? "Hey, is Mike even doing anything? Give him this."

Real Example: How to Disagree With Your Boss

The situation: Your boss wants to implement a new process that you think will create more problems than it solves.

Wrong approach: "That's a terrible idea. It'll never work."

Right approach: "I want to make sure this succeeds. Can I walk through a few potential challenges I'm seeing so we can plan around them?"

Why it works: You're supporting their success while raising legitimate concerns.

A Final Word on Career Ambition

If you have aspirations to move up, don't be afraid to express them strategically. With the right boss, try something like: "Hey boss, anything you need me to help you with? Anything you need off your plate? One day I'd like to maybe do what you do, so I'm looking for opportunities to learn."

Know your boss first though. Some managers love developing their people and take pride in mentoring future leaders. Others get paranoid and think "This person is trying to take my job!" Read the room before you make yourself vulnerable by expressing career ambitions.

The secure, confident boss will give you stretch assignments and coach you toward promotion. The insecure boss will start limiting your opportunities and blocking your growth. Choose your approach accordingly.

Strategic Recognition: Recognizing Your Boss

When Your Boss Deserves Recognition

Most people never think to nominate their boss for awards, but it's one of the smartest relationship investments you can make.

When to recommend your boss for recognition:

They fight for your team's budget or resources
They shield you from political BS or unrealistic demands
They support your decisions publicly, even when it's uncomfortable
They mentor and develop their people effectively
They take heat from above to protect the team

The impact: They'll remember who had their back when it mattered. Plus, it demonstrates that you understand and appreciate good leadership, which reflects well on your own leadership potential.

How to do it: Most agencies have leadership or management excellence awards. Nominate them for collaborative leadership, employee development, or mission accomplishment categories.

🟣 Managing Sideways: Working With Peers

Your Most Complicated Partners

Peer relationships are tricky because you need each other but don't control each other. You can't order them around, and they can't order you around. Success requires influence, not authority.

Get peer relationships right, and you can accomplish amazing things. Get them wrong, and they'll make your life miserable.

The Types of Peers You'll Encounter

The Collaborator

What they're like: Open to working together, shares information, looks for win-win solutions.

Your dance steps: Be equally generous. Share resources and credit. Build on their ideas.

Golden rule: Make them look good, and they'll make you look good.

The Competitor

What they're like: Sees everything as zero-sum. Hoards information. Takes credit.

Your dance steps: Professional but careful. Document agreements. Keep your boss informed.

Don't try to change them: Protect yourself while staying professional.

The Empire Builder

What they're like: Wants to control everything. Sees cooperation as weakness.

Your dance steps: Clear boundaries. Firm but respectful pushback when they overstep.

Key strategy: Make it clear you're not threatening their territory.

The Avoider

What they're like: Doesn't return calls. Misses meetings. Always "too busy" to collaborate.

Your dance steps: Make it easy for them. Be persistent but not annoying.

Backup plan: Work around them when necessary.

Real Example: The Peer Who Won't Share Information

The situation: You need data from another division for your quarterly report, but the division chief never responds to your requests.

Wrong approach: Complaining to your boss that "they're not being cooperative."

Right approach: "I know you're swamped. What's the easiest way for me to get the Q3 enforcement numbers? I can pull them myself if you can point me to the right database, or if there's someone on your team who usually handles this?"

Why it works: You're making it easy for them and showing respect for their time.

Building Your Peer Network

The Peer Relationship Investment Strategy

Help first: Look for ways to make their jobs easier before asking for favors.

Share credit generously: When projects succeed, make sure everyone gets recognition.

Be reliable: Do what you say you'll do, when you say you'll do it.

Stay connected: Regular coffee meetings, not just crisis calls.

Find common ground: Shared challenges, shared goals, shared frustrations with upper management.

Real Example: Recognition as Relationship Building

Recognizing sideways: When a peer division helped you meet a critical deadline, nominate their chief for a collaborative achievement award. Cost you nothing, builds massive goodwill.

The multiplier effect: People notice when you're generous with recognition. It builds your reputation as someone who appreciates good work wherever you find it.

Strategic Recognition: Awards Work Sideways Too

Don't Just Recognize Down - Recognize Around

Most managers only think about recognizing their subordinates, but smart managers use recognition to build relationships in all directions.

When to nominate peers for awards:

They help you meet a critical deadline
They share resources or expertise
They collaborate effectively on joint projects
They cover for you during emergencies

The strategy: It costs you nothing but builds massive goodwill. When you need their help later, they remember who had their back.

The reputation benefit: People notice when you're generous with recognition. You become known as someone who appreciates good work wherever you find it, which makes others want to work with you.

📊 Reading Your Dance Partner's Style

Whether you're managing up, down, or sideways, you need to read your partner and adjust your approach. Here's a simple framework that helps:

Direct (Red) Style

Recognizing them: Gets to the point quickly. Focused on results. Doesn't like small talk.

Your dance steps: Be brief. Lead with outcomes. Respect their time.

Example: "The project is on track for Friday. Need anything from me?"

Influencer (Yellow) Style

Recognizing them: Enthusiastic. Likes to brainstorm. Wants to be involved in decisions.

Your dance steps: Be engaging. Ask for their input. Recognize their contributions.

Example: "I'd love your thoughts on this approach before I finalize it."

Supportive (Green) Style

Recognizing them: Values relationships. Doesn't like conflict. Wants everyone to be happy.

Your dance steps: Be personal. Give them time to process. Explain how changes affect people.

Example: "How do you think the team will react to this change?"

Analytical (Blue) Style

Recognizing them: Wants details. Asks lots of questions. Needs time to think things through.

Your dance steps: Provide context. Explain your reasoning. Give them time to analyze.

Example: "Here's the data behind this recommendation. What questions do you have?"

The Style-Matching Reality Check

This isn't about manipulating people or being fake. It's about communicating in a way that serves them better.

Think about it this way: If someone only speaks Spanish, you don't speak louder English. You learn to communicate in Spanish. Same principle applies to communication styles.

The goal is to be understood and to understand, not to impress people with your preferred communication style.

🔁 Your Steady Beat: Core Values

Staying Grounded While You Dance

You adjust your steps for different partners, but your internal rhythm stays the same. Your core values are what keep you authentic while you adapt your approach.

In federal service, this means staying focused on mission accomplishment and taking care of people, regardless of which direction you're facing.

Your Non-Negotiable Core Values

Integrity: You do the right thing even when it's uncomfortable
Service: You're there to make others successful, not to advance yourself
Mission focus: The work matters more than politics or ego
People development: You leave people better than you found them
Accountability: You own your mistakes and share your successes

When Values and Adaptability Conflict

Sometimes your boss asks you to do something you disagree with. Sometimes your peers want you to cut corners. Sometimes your subordinates want you to look the other way.

This is where your core values become your guide:

You can adapt your communication style, your approach, and your timing. But you can't compromise your integrity, your commitment to the mission, or your responsibility to develop people.

The test: Can you look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow? Can you explain your actions to your family? Will this serve the mission and the people?

Real Example: The Values Test

The situation: Your boss pressures you to give a struggling employee a good rating because "it's easier than dealing with the paperwork."

The temptation: Go along to get along. Avoid the conflict.

The values response: "I understand the administrative burden, but I need to be fair to the employee and the rest of the team. How can I help make the performance improvement process as smooth as possible?"

Why this works: You're not attacking your boss, but you're staying true to your responsibility to develop people honestly.

Questions for Self-Reflection

Before important interactions, ask yourself:

What does this person need from this conversation?
How do they prefer to receive information?
What communication style will serve them best?
How can I advance the mission through this relationship?
Am I leading with ego or with service?

After interactions, reflect:

Did I communicate in a way they could hear?
Did I serve their success and the mission?
What could I adjust next time to be more effective?
Did I stay true to my core values?

The Leadership Challenge

Dancing with multiple partners requires emotional intelligence, political awareness, and genuine care for people's success. It's not about manipulation or being all things to all people.

It's about being the kind of leader who:

Makes others better at their jobs
Builds bridges instead of walls
Serves the mission through serving people
Adapts their approach while staying true to their values
Gets results through relationships, not just authority

This is the essence of federal leadership: using your position to serve others and advance the mission, regardless of which partner you're dancing with.

Ready to dance effectively with multiple partners?

Remember: Great dancers adapt their steps to serve the music and their partner while staying true to their core rhythm.